Archive for January, 2011

Feelings of the Heart

January 8, 2011

Man was not made to be alone.  We are put here on this earth to be in relationship with one another.  Thus we have parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, coworkers, group members, religious associate, etc.  The list can go on.

Everyone would like to find that special someone that completes them.  There is an old saying that there is someone for everyone.  I myself have been engaged 5 times.  I right now have several admirers ranging in age from 18 to 65.  Even my (step)grandfather said if he was a young man again, he would be interested.  He is 89 years old.  Mind you he was a handsome man back in his day.  I know I am a beautiful woman inside and out.  I am a BBW also, curvy and voluptuous.  Not all men can take us on.

What I want to get to is, I have a dear friend.  We have been seeing each other since April.  I love him a lot, but I am not in love with him.  He lives in another city, but I try to see him at least once a month.  We try to spend quality time together,  we also talk on the phone when we get a chance.

One thing I have noticed is that when we part, he is always depress for a couple days after.  He hates to be apart from me.  He is not working right now and is having a hard time finding something.  He is also waiting on disability.  I pray for him, I give him advice, and let him know I am supportive of his goals.  My heart aches in empathy for him and his situation.  I also like the companionship and the way he makes me feel, like I am very important.

My dilemma is that I need a man who has it together, spirit, soul and body in tact.  I want someone who is financially secure.  Someone who can treat me like a queen.  I am tired of struggling.  I am praying for him to get there, to be the guy I would like.  I am praying that he would do this fore himself 1st and for most.  He has to want it for himself.  I don’t want anyone to try to change for me.  My heart breaks for him.  I hate that he is not the ambitious type of guy that I want.  But I am wondering if I am not too picky,  My main thing is motivation and income.  I need these things from a companion.  Not too much to ask is it?  I can not support two people on what I have coming in,  there is another income needed.

I just will have to wait this one out.  He told me if someone better comes along to go with them.  This is noble.  We will see.  I hate having these feelings.  He is really a good man.


A Happy Healither Me

January 5, 2011

I have been wondering about having a new years resolution for 2011.  I have resolved not to make any.  I will concentrate this new year on just working on being a Happy, Healthier, Me.  I am not starting or going on any more diets.  I am not starting or going on anyone exercise plan.  I am going to try to follow my doctors order and eat healthier, walk, swim and make good food choices, and use portion control.

I am going to be a better me.  I want to think more positive thoughts, speak positive words, and have Faith in my Higher Power to guide me in all truth.  I will treat people as I want to be treated.  I will do good deeds when I have the opportunity.  I will do my job everyday with excellence in mind.

When I go out of my home, I want to look clean, neat, and crisp.  I want to put my best foot forward at all times.  I want to always try to have a smile on my face no matter what I am feeling like on the inside.

I know that tough times do not always last, but tough people do.  This is going to be one of the best years of my life.  I hope to do a lot of positive things and live life to the fullest when ever I can.  Live, Laugh, and Love.  Blessing, and Goodness.  Peace and Harmony is mine.