Archive for March, 2010

Getting Stuck in Rutts

March 28, 2010

Everyone gets stuck in a rut now and then.  It seems like I have been stuck in one for a few months.  I know I have to do better health wise.  I need to exercise and lose weight.  I have done much research into what I must do to make my self better and heal my body.  I have not really been doing anything.  Yes, I have been taking baby steps, but I am not a baby when it comes to this.  I need to be at a jog right now.

Then there is my studying.  I have been doing a little reading here and there, but no serious hitting the books, and writing in my note books.  I am on a self motivated plan,  I hand in work to instructor and mentors as it gets done, but I could being doing more and better.

Another thing is job hunting.  I have been job hunting for a year and a half now.  I have slowed that down, because after doing so much so long, and getting nothing or no where, it gets tiring even to try.  Hoping, against hope that something will materialize for me before the funds run out.

These are clear signs of mild depression, and I do feel it physically.  I do have some medial challenges, but lately I have also been feeling depressed.  I have to, need to snap myself out of  it.  Been here before and was able to work through.  I do not think I need medication or a counselor to get me through.  My sister suggested I ask my doctor about Cymbalta, a medication that helps with depression and signs of Fibromyalgia.  She said it helped her.  I will see.  If I can snap myself out of it this week, then I will see my doctor.

I have to do better for me, I only have me.  I am over 300 lbs, and should be around 180 lbs.  I need to exercise and eat right.  I need to study and keep my mind sharp.  I do need a job also.   One thing I would like is to find a  companion, male best friend, a love.  I have never been married, and my last relationship was when I lived in NYC before moving back to Central Ohio almost 2 years ago.  All this would be so nice.

Being Big Does Not Mean One is a Glutton

March 21, 2010

Not everyone who is Large or Obese is a glutton. Some people have documented medical problems which keep them or cause them to be large. Even eating a simple meal, can cause weight to stick to them like glue, and only very rigorous exercise and diet will keep them on a slimmer side of things. I hate to say this is me. I have been seeing a Holistic doctor and a Medical doctor of which both are working together to get me to a more healthier state. I am severely anemic and hypoglycemic. With these disorders I am supposed to eat 6 times a day, but I am hardly hungry. I do try to graze, and eat light. I also am sensitive to gluten. Because of having Leukemia from 1998- 2002 I have to have periodic treatments which include every once in a while some chemo, blood platelets, whole blood and feritin infusions. Sometimes these products, especially the chemo and feritin need steroids used with them so my body does not reject the treatments. And steroids keep weight on you. I also have to have a breathing treatment every now and then because I am prone to lung infections, which these also have steroids in them. I am working to get this healed up.
I do praise God that I do not have any so called “Fat” people diseases. I am not diabetic, I don’t have cholesterol problems, nor do I have heart disease or high blood pressure. My blood pressure tends to get a bit too low at times, and I do get heart palpitations from the anemia, or when I get hypoglycemic attacks, because not enough oxygen is getting through my blood system. My doctors say I have an extremely healthy heart for someone as large as I am. The last time I took a stress test my doctor told me I out did some of his patients half my size. I have good stamina.
I have been large most of my life. I am used to it. I have been on almost every diet there is out there. After getting a full assessment from my holistic doctor I found out I have always had allergies to certain foods that cause me troubles. These trouble are what is helping to keep weight on me also. I am allergic to latex, foods with latex are bananas, kiwi, and avocados. I am sensitive to gluten which causes blotting and clogging of the intestines. I am also allergic to soy, mostly processed soy products, and one can not pick up hardly anything without soy being in the ingredients. I also was told to stay away from products with high fructose corn syrup, as it helps to put and keep weight on most people. So what can I have to eat? I can have all the fresh fruits, vegetables, beans, grass fed lean cage free meats I want, and mercury free wild caught fish. I have to limit the starches, grains, and fats. Only real gains I can have with no problems are rice and oats. I can have seed products and most nuts. I can have low fat organic dairy products. I do love my olive oil butter spread, I don’t eat any margarine, I do love my cheeses and yogurts. As for baked goods and sweets, I have to learn how to make them gluten free. I can’t have any artificial sweeteners, just natural honey, agave, stevia, and raw sugar.
I am on a road to better health. Sometimes it takes time and baby steps before results are seen, but I can say I am headed in the right direction. I want to be healed and whole, not lacking any good thing. I want to be the way God meant for me to be when I popped out onto this earth.