Going through different moods, emotions, thoughts jump, run, and dance in my head.
Feeling like I am up, down, going around in circles, and at times flying high, soaring above everything.
The happenings, movement, days, nights and weekends run together in a whirlwind of activity.
Work, fun, outings, instruments, classes together, separate, the same, such is life.
We eat, drink, smoke, dance, play, work, and be.
Riding, talking, enjoying togetherness, company and the companionship that goes with being close.
How do I feel, How should I feel, when fibers of my being scream out in want.
Scripture says, “Thou Shall Not Want.” But it seems I am always in wanting.
Getting so close, hairs breath always to what I want, desire, crave, and pray for.
So close that breath, energy, life, heat, and spirits connect…yet always a catch, always a chink, a thorn or wrench
Thrown in to keep me at bay.
It is not the others fault, but my experience, perception.
I live by a code of Faith not Fear…and will continue this belief.
I know everything is done for my eventual good
But why do I have to continue to wait for one thing in life that I have most desired? Why God? Universe? Gaia?
I Minister, serve, do be, pay forward.
Positivity, energy I give out with lavishness, seeking a higher plane paying it forward at every available bend or fork in the road.
Staying busy, busy, busy, to where there are days of exhaustion.
Thought always go back to one thing…the where is mine…where is the one thing I have been praying for since I was old enough to want such?
I see it happen for others at a touch…they pair up, love, laugh, play, and frolic like bunnies.
It is seems to always be just out of reach for me… several times it was almost mine…engagements, longterm relationships, lovers, friends.
Something happens that it is not lasting…a death, quirk, argument, misunderstanding, family but ins, they find someone else…
Then there is the part where I am a friend, always a friend, buddy, pal…or FWBs…WTF!…WTH!…just not right.
I wait…I stand…I live…I go…I continue…I hold on to the Faith that one day that thing that is a hares breath away,
The thing that seems to get others but alludes me like a plague, the one thing I crave other then God in this life will find me, grab hold of me and shake me to my core to where I am in want no more.
I will see the eyes, feel the touch, graze the brow, the energy, heat, smell, and fibers of being will explode in rapture…
I have faith it is yet to be mine…I will hold on…I will wait…I will continue…
Until IT comes to me.
